Reality Check

Ok, so you know those weird moments when all of a sudden everything comes into perspective all at once and you finally see your whole life at that single moment so clearly? I just had one of those moments.

I've been trying so hard to get motivated at the start of this new year, and I just can't seem to find the spark to get me going. It's not that I'm un-happy per se, but I know I'm not where I want to be. I know I should be grateful for everything I have, and everything I accomplish on a day-to-day basis, but the truth is, I'm not. I'm so busy striving and planning for perfection, that I never actually achieve anything at all. I make goals, I plan, I make a schedule, I re-do calendars, but when I get up in the morning all that seems to go to right to hell, and when I lay my head down on my pillow at night I wonder what the hell happened to my day and why was my only real success taking a shower that day? I mean, really. I know that most moms feel this way every single day, and this may sound bad (and I really don't mean it to) but these small victories are just not enough for me. I have real, big dreams and goals that I want to achieve and I just can't seem to make myself even excited for them.

I made a priority list on New Years Day, like what I really wanted to focus my real efforts on month by month and for January I really wanted to focus on my kids. Being pregnant last year, then having the baby, and pushing my photography business, then the holidays really made me super crazy busy and I know I put being a good mom and a good wife on the back burner. I mean, for crying out loud, I made breakfast, lunch, and dinner from scratch the first day we got back and I felt like I deserved an award for not ordering out a meal. It had really been that long since I had done that. No frozen food, no giving the kids cereal for dinner because I was too busy to make a proper meal for them, no $5 Lil Caesar's pizza. Not that there is anything wrong with those things, but shouldn't someone who loves to cook actually, like....cook? And I haven't been. I haven't been reading my kids goodnight stories, or watching movies with them, or playing board games, or painting nails, or making racetracks, or having tea parties, or teaching how to ride bikes, or making forts.

For this month I really wanted to focus more on the kids. Really make an effort. I've done pretty well with it; as well as one can do with a houseful of flu, and under 60 degree weather (that's COLD for us here in AZ). The problem is, I don't feel satisfied with just making 3 meals for my family, brushing everyone's teeth and hair, reading stories, actually getting laundry done, and keeping my house clean. I know I should be proud of accomplishing my goals, but I feel like I am not tapping into my potential. I guess the real problem is, is that I recognize you can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't give all your energy to a new business and still have some for your family. And you can't give 110% to your family life at home every day and still have motivation and drive to put out the best work possible. This makes me sad, but it's better to realize the truth now than drive myself nuts in the end and let all my balls drop.

So I've decided to simplify things. I had a few different blogs going for the different facets of my life, but I realize it's insane to try and keep up with like 4 different blogs, because I'm clearly failing miserably at that. I'm just going to put everything here on my personal blog and that's just going to have to be all right for my business. There are so many different experts that will tell you that your wedding photography clients will not care what you made for dinner last night, what your 4 year old is currently loving to dress up as, or about digital scrapbooking. I've also heard that your Senior Portrait clients do not care to see photos of your Wedding photography clients, or your families you photograph, or newborns; but you know what? I think that many of the Seniors I connect with DO care about those things. They look at me and see a little of themselves in my life and can envision being a part of all those things. No, they may not look at the things I create with the Rhonna Designs kits that I create and say, "yes, I'd like to get into digital scrapbooking", but plenty of those Seniors and Brides and Moms see my instagrams using the kits and may want to spice up their own instagrams. And plenty of Brides will see my newborn photos and the things I write about my own kids and think "I want to do those things when me and my fiance start having babies."

I think that all in all, the people I want to work with and connect with through my business and on this blog are the kind of people that can look beyond today and can identify with my art and my life. They can relate to me on a number of different levels and will appreciate me for who I am not just what I can do for them now, but how I can inspire them in the future. Because really, I'm in this for the long haul friends, and I'd really like you to take this journey with me.

Starting today, I'm going to post everything I want to blog about here, on I Heart Rosemary Watson. You'll see my family, you'll read my memoirs, you'll see my home ideas, my Rhonna Designs projects, my style ideas, and of course ALL my photography. I may end up changing my mind later on, but for now, this seems to be the simplest answer and the best way I can start being me again.